torsdag 26 juni 2008

E-writing assignment 1

”How do you fit a full-grown racing horse into a normal-sized car?”
Joleen tore her gaze away from the glass in front of her and stared blankly at the man. It took her about two seconds to realize who he was and what his intentions were. He was gangly, skinny like a twig, and the rich mop of dirty-blonde hair failed to draw attention away from the pimples that helplessly blotched his pale skin. Big, gray eyes watched her cautiously from behind glasses so thick that it was a wonder he saw anything at all. She knew his type. She had encountered so many of them, and they were all alike. She knew that if she just peered over his shoulder, she would see his fellow nerds standing huddled in the darkest corner of the bar, trying not to look but failing to do so. Joleen wondered just how much time and planning it had taken him just to be able to walk up to her. In any case, her dead-pan stare was beginning to freak him out big time; she could tell by the way his lips were trembling. She put an icy little smile on her face and turned her whole body towards his direction. The overgrown boy suppressed a flinch.
“No, I really don’t. But I suppose you’re going to tell me, aren’t you?” she said, sounding as amiable as possible and leaning over to him just slightly as she spoke. The effect was instant. Her admirer started stuttering, dropped his gaze to his untied shoelaces, and brought it back up to her. This wasn’t rehearsed; he had no idea what to do next. Drops of sweat started forming at his temples. He positively reeked of fear, and for some reason Joleen’s nostrils widened and like a beast, she drew it in. She edged her body yet closer to him, so close now that her breasts would touch his chest if she breathed in too hard.
“Well?” she said, a cold strain in her voice now, demanding.
“Umm, f-first you open the doors… You see? T-the doors? The joke sucks, of course, I-I just…”
But Joleen didn’t listen to any of his stammerings. She had tossed her hair back and before the nerd had a chance to react she had leant in all the way and pressed her lips against his ear.
“Honey, you are wasting time, you do understand that? Your own and most certainly mine… so I suggest you leave me alone before I get real upset.” She hissed the last part, then withdrew from him quicker than a cobra.

She hadn’t seen a man disappear as fast as this one now did in a long time. He almost tripped over his own feet in his rush to get back to the safety of the nerd clan. Joleen sighed. Her glass was empty and her chest colder than it had been all day, but as she paid up and ventured out into the spring night her thoughts were on him. She was sure that no woman had gotten closer to him than she had this night, and that he would be fucking her over and over in his dreams for weeks to come. She found a strange comfort in that.

The early morning was soft and almost not chilly at all, instead churning with sound and smell, of wet grass and stones. Of life? Joleen wondered. The rising sun painted the house roofs in crisp blue and warm yellow. A bird sung carefully somewhere in the distant and the outskirt streets were completely deserted. Even the remote sound of cars couldn’t disturb the atmosphere. It was calamity and harmony in all ways possible. She really should be mellow. Mellow was the only mood appropriate for mornings like these. But everything inside of Joleen was on end. Nothing was like it should be. She had been taken the longest way home from the bar downtown, because she hadn’t found what she was looking for there. She had been walking for hours, still not finding what she was looking for. As she slumped down on the porch to her apartment, where she had found her boyfriend and her course mate Anna tangled up that night, she noticed something shiny that lay carelessly thrown on the stone pathway. It was the knife, the edge still covered in blood. And at that very moment, she just knew.

5 kommentarer:

gunjor sa...

Hello Bella,
I think it was a nice story
you have written, regards Nilla

Anonym sa...

Hey there, this was quite an impressive piece of work I must say.

I have to confess I didn't really get the ending - what she actually realized as she read that newspaper that is. Apart from that it's all very inspiring though. The description of the environment and athmosphere is really well done and you manage to create a mood that one can almost feel while reading the story. My favorite part is towards the end when she's walking all alone in the dawn but I also enjoyed the tense athmosphere of the bar.

I look forward to seeing more of your work. Keep it up!

Jimmy Nordenfelt sa...

I liked it, the story in the first part with the nerd is something that's familiar from a lot of american college movies, but you use the theme really well.

The ending is like a cliffhanger, it really feels like there is a sequal to it, if you make one let me know because i want to read it!

Over all, i think you write very well, great usage of the english language and a good atmosphere to the story too. You got me as a fan for sure.

Tim Sterner sa...

You have never failed to captivate me with your words, and your way to transform your view on things into small black letters. One can almost weigh them on the tongue, sometimes light as a feather, other times heavy as a brick. You play with moods and feelings, and paint a picture behind my eyelids. And that is the purest form of good literature; one that makes you believe that it's real. No matter how unrealistic the story might be, you still believe in it. And that is your strength. Maintain it. Cherish it. Be it.

gunjor sa...

Hi,
It was a good written story.
The plus is all details you've
described in the story.
Perhaps some day will continue
the story, because I'm really
curious what will happen next.
July, 2008, Nilla